Golf is filthy Michael!
Ok, so yesterday was "Safety Day". Which is in quotes cause we started fires and went golfing (note: the fires were put out *before* we went golfing) and there was a video about the importance of not bathing in chemicals.
I told a few farmer "And then he washed up before going to the hospital" stories courtesy of Dr. Angel which went over quite well as others chimed in with agreements and further stories. Apparently the guy who cut off his finger and then showered and shaved cause he was "going into town" was the topper but not by much.
So anyway Golf. This would be my 3rd ever golf game and I did ok I guess. It was a best ball scramble so it's important to keep track of your balls at all times.
You see where I'm going with this? Key quotes of the day included:
1) "I'm just not getting it up the way I used to." (and variations of the above)
2) "Did you remember to wash your balls before we started?"
3) "I was hoping to come under it on that shot."
And none of these. I repeat NONE of them was done for comedic effect. Golf is a PG-13 game apparently designed for people that want other people to talk dirty to them without repercussion. Oh, and I won the "long drive" contest. Which is also kind of dirty. But it turns out I hit my ball off the ladies tee (not really dirty but I'm in that mindset now) so I'm going to give the prize to Kevin who came in second.
I also owned a baseball cap that was orange and black and had a tractor on it for about 15 minutes before I traded it for a complete car safety kit (Note: How do I write that sentence so it says I owned the cap for about 15 minutes rather than it saying that the cap had a tractor on it for about 15 minutes? There must be some form of puntuation!!!). To quote the guy who traded with me "I already have all this stuff so this is kind of useless to me. But I can always use another cap!" I'm pretty sure he wasn't kidding. I almost regret it cause...well...cmon! An orange and black baseball cap with a tractor on it! It's like protective coloration!!! I would have blended!
Connie reassured me today that I would have "plenty of baseball caps soon enough" so I shouldn't worry. Looking back on it, it sounded kind of ominous.
Today we drove around the county collecting GPS points for the rural addressing project which was kind of exciting because Connie (who is pregnant and therefore being safe for 2) drives on gravel and mud roads at a rate I would consider to be "excessive". She called me a baby at one point just cause I objected to fishtailing. Which I think was a little unfair. I mean I was really good when she let momentum (90km/hr) and gravity decide which of the 7 tire ruts we'd use on that one mud road that was about as wide as our vehicle. Tomorrow is another 7 hours of this lunacy and I'm kind of looking forward to it to be honest.
Anyway, yeah. Golf = dirty. Driving around with someone who is used to driving on "machinery roads" = terrifying.
I told a few farmer "And then he washed up before going to the hospital" stories courtesy of Dr. Angel which went over quite well as others chimed in with agreements and further stories. Apparently the guy who cut off his finger and then showered and shaved cause he was "going into town" was the topper but not by much.
So anyway Golf. This would be my 3rd ever golf game and I did ok I guess. It was a best ball scramble so it's important to keep track of your balls at all times.
You see where I'm going with this? Key quotes of the day included:
1) "I'm just not getting it up the way I used to." (and variations of the above)
2) "Did you remember to wash your balls before we started?"
3) "I was hoping to come under it on that shot."
And none of these. I repeat NONE of them was done for comedic effect. Golf is a PG-13 game apparently designed for people that want other people to talk dirty to them without repercussion. Oh, and I won the "long drive" contest. Which is also kind of dirty. But it turns out I hit my ball off the ladies tee (not really dirty but I'm in that mindset now) so I'm going to give the prize to Kevin who came in second.
I also owned a baseball cap that was orange and black and had a tractor on it for about 15 minutes before I traded it for a complete car safety kit (Note: How do I write that sentence so it says I owned the cap for about 15 minutes rather than it saying that the cap had a tractor on it for about 15 minutes? There must be some form of puntuation!!!). To quote the guy who traded with me "I already have all this stuff so this is kind of useless to me. But I can always use another cap!" I'm pretty sure he wasn't kidding. I almost regret it cause...well...cmon! An orange and black baseball cap with a tractor on it! It's like protective coloration!!! I would have blended!
Connie reassured me today that I would have "plenty of baseball caps soon enough" so I shouldn't worry. Looking back on it, it sounded kind of ominous.
Today we drove around the county collecting GPS points for the rural addressing project which was kind of exciting because Connie (who is pregnant and therefore being safe for 2) drives on gravel and mud roads at a rate I would consider to be "excessive". She called me a baby at one point just cause I objected to fishtailing. Which I think was a little unfair. I mean I was really good when she let momentum (90km/hr) and gravity decide which of the 7 tire ruts we'd use on that one mud road that was about as wide as our vehicle. Tomorrow is another 7 hours of this lunacy and I'm kind of looking forward to it to be honest.
Anyway, yeah. Golf = dirty. Driving around with someone who is used to driving on "machinery roads" = terrifying.
posted by Bne | 4:27 PM
5 Comments:
"For about 15 minutes I owned a baseball cap that was orange and black and had a tractor on it, before I traded it for a complete car safety kit"
You'll get used to the driving soon enough. Wait until the first time you roll a vehicle. That's the best way to get a sense of how much fishtailing is too much.
So a youtube video of the same or possibly an instructional video with clear instructions is right out.
Well, at least it will be a county vehicle cause my Honda would get about 10 feet before the gravel tore the undercarriage right off.
I almost guarantee it will be a county truck anyway, because you don't have a lot of experience with driving things with high centres of gravity.
Just try and avoid having the "helpful" workmate who, when you're talking to the RCMP right after the accident, straightens up from the ditch holding an old beer bottle and hollers "Hey, Amy, I found your breakfast!" Hi-larious.
(actually, in retrospect it was pretty funny)
So how long are you going to have to live in Stettler before you stop sounding like a city kid? "Boo-hoo, the roads aren't paved. Driving on gravel is scary." If you aren't careful, everyone in that town is going to think you're a pussy.
I don't think I'll ever be able to not sound like a city kid. I mean really I don't think I'll ever refer to 7 people at a place being "busy". Nor am I terribly concerned about people thinking I'm a wuss so long as I'm not sucking my food through a straw.
Oh and Amy. That really is damn funny.
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