London is trying to kill me!

It's hot here. And when I say "hot" I mean "you're going to freaking die" hot. Literaly, the government has issued a warning to people not to even enter the tubes without a water bottle on hand. The tubes being the underground here which have the briliiant cooling plan of little slotted bits you can slide open in the wall so that you can choose to either suffocate from the heat, or suck in barely cooler tube air, which is not a great choice. I've consumed two litres of water sitting here doing my email and writing this, and another three or four during the day today. It was a good day though. Originally I was going to intersperse this post with photos, but there are just too damn many, so instead I'm going to link to flickr (whom I now cheerfully hate as I spent two hours arguing with them last night before their server crashed) so you can see them on your own time.

Up at 7am, as you can see I'm looking lovely and off with Sophia and Stephen(1) to see London. Ok, to see the tubes since Stephen and Sophia both work today and so they load me onto a train, Sophia rides about one stop short of mine and gives me some easy directions ("just leave the tube and head North two blocks and you'll be at the museum") and I'm on my own. First bit of panic, when leaving the tube you swipe your Oyster Card* a second time to leave. I didn't know that, but decide to bluff my way out and hope I didn't just pay a second fare for nothing. Out the door, up the steps and I'm on the street.

43 seconds later, I realise I have no idea which way is North in London. I am officially lost. Ive also discovered that my ipod has died as I left it on overnight. Yay! I take the Dirk Gently patented "follow someone who looks like they know where they are going" approach to life and it only takes me about 10 minutes until I find the museum. It's pretty damn impressive. It also doesn't open until 10am. Being as how it's barely 9, and I don't want to hang with the gaggle of tourists staring determinedly at the gate, I pull out my handy pop up map and decide to head for Hyde park.

Hyde park is lovely. It also features the single ugliest, gaudiest thing I've ever seen in the form of this tribute. I don't think my pictures do it justice. It's like 5 stories of Liberace's dream monument. It scarred me for life. Anyway I wandered around until I found a place to eat half of my lunch for breakfast with only a beggar to bother me. You all know I loves you, but it was the first real alone time I've had since, well, a long time. Sitting quietly eating my sandwhich (chicken salad with cucumbers) no crowds, or tasks awaiting, felt nice and relaxing. Then wandered the park to see the Italian fountains (even though there is a drought on) which are lovely so long as you don't get too close to them. Then the Peter Pan statue, and then it was finely 10am.

To the Natural History Museum!!!

But wait, what's this, is Ben lost again? I think so. This is the Consort's school or somesuch (founded by the royal consort Albert, not a school for consorts...which is too bad cause I think that would be way cooler), it's also really neat though. I wandered about here for about 5 minutes before getting clear and finding the museum. The museum itself is hella cool. I was going to go with "very" but hella seemed more accurate somehow. It also shares the joy of being the only place with a working waterfountain in all of London near as I can tell, so I love it dearly. Did I mention the HOT?!? They had a pretty cool dinosaur bit there, which I would be more impressed with if I didn't live like an hour from Drumheller. It also had an entire section about Rhinos. Including this somewhat morbid cartoon about their extinction. Anyway I wandered about there for about two hours, then outside for the rest of the lunch that Sophia packed for me. In case I didn't mention it, she packed two oranges that I swear were Mandarins. In your face spaceman! (that's for Rillination) As you can see I cleaned myself up for London, although they didn't so much clean up for me. Selfish buggers.

Oh, here's the first of two photos for the childish lads back home. Heh, no ball games at the museum...ok, so it's for me too.

Then I went for a wander over to the Victoria and Albert Museum, which is a freaking monster big place. It's got three or four floors of exhibits, all of which connect through to each other in odd ways so you can easily get lost just walking about. One minute you're admiring 15th century tapestries about St. George and the Dragon (and the damsel, which is a little more prominent then I recall from the lessons) and then you turn a corner and boom welcome to Che Gueverra. I also got to see a really interesting photographic exhibit, although I have no shots of it. There's one photo by Erich Salomon (http://www.rleggat.com/photohistory/history/salomon.htm) who took this photo http://museum.icp.org/museum/exhibitions/fortune/solomon.html. The man to the right of Einstein is Herman Schmitz. His company would later produce the gas that was used at Auschwitz which is where the photographer and his family were killed. I don't think I can explain how eerie it feels to be looking at the photograph of the man who pretty much directly killed the man who took said photo. On a more cheerful note, I found a doorway that had representations of the sins and virtues on it. My photos don't really do it justice, and it wouldn't fit under my coat, sorry Trent. There's so much cool stuff at the museum that I'm going to leave my pictures to tell the tale.

But enough of that. I then went back to the natural history museum (did I mention that they have the only working fountain in London) and then headed out for a hike. I wanted to send all my postcards yesterday, but couldn't really since there is not the plethora of internet cafes I expected in downtown london. Instead I wandered over to Buckingham palace, which I have no photos of as it is kind of lame actually, and I didn't realise where I was til I left**. Another monument, although less blindingly painful then the first, and then into yet another park. If there is one thing that London has done right, it's the parks. Big, open, safe feeling, with enough little notes about not disturbing the fowl to let you know that you're looking at some major fines if you screw with nature.

Sidenote: Another thing that London does really right is it's views on jaywalking. If you walk into traffic you will get honked at, however the police don't care...at all. There were two officers right next to a spot where basically everyone was crossing at will, and they didn't even look up when a car honked at us. Take that Calgary (stupid got a jaywalking ticket almost two years ago and am still bitter...)

Anyway, I then wandered by Winchester Abbey which in addition to a mammoth line was charging £20 to get in. I'm sure it's a very pretty church, but bugger that. Then I went by Big Ben and Parliament. Mainly so I could say "Look kids, Big Ben! Parliament!" before heading alont the Thames. I wish I'd crossed at the Winchester bridge (although then I would have missed seeing all the German tourists posing with the Battle of Britain monument...which was kind of an odd moment for me) because I could have stopped in at the Florence Nightengale museum. I've been a fan of hers since I read "Cassandra" http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/091267055X/104-6618555-0517518?v=glance&n=283155 in English class (I still have my copy if anyone wants to borrow it) and she's really an amazing woman. Did you know she never married not because of lack of options (or love, she was with the same man forever) but because of how she felt about the division of power under the law. I am paraphrasing, but I think the quote goes something like "When a man commits a crime, the state takes away his property and rights. It is interesting to me that the law equates a man's crimes with a woman becoming married in that were I to commit this act, I would lose my property and rights." Like I said, cool lady. Anyway, instead I crossed further up. Which did allow me to see statue man at work. I think anyone who is willing to dress and paint himself completely silver. Hold completely still until you put money in his hat, at which point he does a very mechanical bow before returning to rest, deserves anything he makes. Walking the Thames in the theatre district also let me see the huge book sale (which is apparently year round) as well as the Globe theatre (which I did not take photos of since I'm going back tonight). Then, completely exhausted, I came home, drank copious water and worked on this as well as writing the 30 odd postcards I picked up.

A very full day indeed.


1) http://www.flickr.com/photos/13516511@N00/sets/72157594205288149/
2) http://www.flickr.com/photos/13516511@N00/sets/72157594205347588/

*An Oyster Card, like most things British, has nothing to do with Oysters. It's also not just a nickname, what it is, is a pre-paid fare card for mass transit which you put money on in advance and then swipe it to ride the tube and buses. In return for your money, you get a greatly reduced cost from the cash price for rides. Oh, and it's light blue, really not very oystery at all.

** I would like to write an open letter to the urban planners of London. YOU SUCK! Ok, so it's not so much a letter as an editorial. Near as I can tell this place is designed to be unconquerable by enemy forces without a native guide since there are no damn streetsigns anywhere. I thought, by the signage, that Buckingham Palace was in fact the Guards Museum up until I found the real guards museum. Basically I pick a direction and head that way until I run into some sort of significant thing, then I check my map to see what it probably is. On the walk home I only saw one actual street sign the entire way. Yup, welcome to London "If you have to ask, you don't belong".